Monday, April 18, 2011

A letter from my body

Dear Danielle,

We want to preface this by saying that we love you.  However, after today, we're not quite sure how you feel about us.  The poor legs are exhausted!  You started the day with Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease, and it was hard on them.  And then you wore your Sketchers Shape-Ups all day!  Don't you like your legs?  Or your feet?

And let's not forget your poor skin and back!  What on earth possessed you to start hauling tree limbs around?  We understand that there were nasty storms this weekend, and that your yard was full of debris.  However, you apparently forgot that you're allergic to everything with leaves, and now your hands and arms are covered in little welts from brushing up against pine needles.  Next time you decide to do yard work, please stop and think for a moment, then go put on work gloves and long sleeves.  And instead of hauling the 18 foot tree limb over to the curb by yourself, GO ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP.  Dumbass.

Of course, we can't ignore your brain.  First, you wake up early to exercise, which is really screwing with it.  Then, you spent the day doing statistical analysis.  Can we say ouch?  Granted, you did give in and provide some extra caffeine today, but your teeth aren't all that impressed with the extra dose of sugar.

In closing, please be nicer to us tomorrow, or we'll go on strike, and you'll have to lay in bed like a vegetable.

Love,
All the parts of your body

P.S. Here's a picture of the pile of yard debris that was hauled to the curb today, including the 18' tree limb. It doesn't look nearly as impressive in the picture as it did in person.  There was a lot of debris... and still is, but it will require a wheelbarrow to bring it to the front yard.  Also, it will require work gloves and long sleeves.  And some assistance.  Sorry, body.

1 comment:

Cowboy Joe said...

You're so funny. Love it.