A quiet week

Aside from my good news on Monday, it's been a quiet week.  This is not a bad thing.

Unfortunately, I haven't really been in the mood to blog for the last few days.  In this spirit, I give you the top ten Excuses for Not Blogging:

10:  My dog ate my computer cord.  I swear, my dog eats  everything else (Dammit!  I loved those shoes!!), so why not a power cord?  Shane's cat, Tyler, chews on cords all the time.

9:  I lost my notebook of ideas, and couldn't come up with anything under pressure.  (Of course, this only applies if no one knows that you really work best under pressure.)

8:  I got busy watching TV.  I only get to watch quality television (and by quality, I'm referring as much to picture quality as to content) once a week!  When I get it, I get REALLY into it.

7:  I spent my time online searching the internet for recipes for pulled pork (because I totally forgot everything that Mandy put into hers (except for a little bit of liquid smoke)).

6:  I started to blog, but then got sidetracked as I tried to determine the proper location for a period when also using a parenthetical statement at the end of a sentence.  (Notice that I didn't end that sentence with a parenthetical statement.)

5:  My dog ate my shoes.  Seriously, that distracted me for, like, an entire night!

4:  My dog tried to eat a notebook.  I don't know where she got this taste for paper, but she's munched on notebooks, looseleaf, scrap paper, tissue paper, kleenex... anything paper-related.

3:  I tried to have a life instead of geeking out on the computer.  (Hey, it could happen!)

2:  I was busy carving a pumpkin.  (It's really cute, too!)

And the number one excuse for not blogging:  My internet connection crashed.  Again.  (Does anyone know how to stop it from doing that?  And can you please tell my network admin about it?)

My dog is a cat

It was decided tonight that my dog, Mia, is a cat in disguise. Here are the top ten signs that your dog might be a cat in disguise.

10) She rolls on her back like a kitten. When killing her rubber chicken, Mia rolls onto her back and attacks it with all four paws.

9) She likes to curl up in your lap. Lots of dogs like this, but it's also common to kitties.

8) She grooms your hair. Mia will climb onto Shane's head and lick his hair and rearrange it until she is happy with it. Usually, it comes out looking pretty good.

7) She thinks she can fit in the space between two books on a shelf. Like most cats, my dog seems to think that she's small enough to fit anywhere. This leads to things falling down.

6) She likes to lay in sunbeams. Have you ever read Garfield?

5) She doesn't have any particular fondness for 'people food.' Of course, this could be because I haven't fed her much of it. She's pretty good about being uninterested in plates so far.

4) She thinks she can jump from one piece of furniture to another across the room. Mia will perch on the edge of the chair and just stare at the couch. I'm waiting for her to try it.

3) She sits on window ledges. This is totally a cat thing!

2) She chases birds and bugs. There was a bird in the bush outside a few days ago, and Mia chased it out of the bush and across the parking lot. I don't know what she would have done if she'd actually caught it.

1) She chases laser pointers. And loves it.

I'm not dead!

I kind of felt like I might be when I woke up this morning... Heat exhaustion is no fun at all! So to help everyone else out there avoid the same fate that befell me, here's a top ten list: Top Ten Ways to Get Out of Helping Someone Move

10. Swear that you're allergic to the chemicals in their new carpets or paint, and that simply being within a hundred yards of the new place will cause you to go into anaphylactic shock.

9. Tell them that you would love to, but you have to wash your hair; one strand at a time, because it's time for your annual hair-care weekend.

8. Offer to help, then stack the biggest box of books you can find on top of the smallest box labeled 'fragile' - trust me, they won't ask you back!

7. Show up wearing high heels and a mini skirt. Especially if you're a man.

6. Offer to send three friends in your place, and hire three old ladies from the nursing home down the street to pose as your friends.

5. Claim that the olives told you that you're not supposed to lift anything heavier than a sandwich for the next 24 hours, then smash the olives. (Trust me, after four hours of hauling boxes and furniture in 90 degree weather with no AC, the olives will be talking to someone!)

4. Fake a broken leg. Go all out and visit an emergency room and ask them to put a cast on, just for the day. Show up for work the next day without the cast, and talk about your miracle healing powers.

3. Show up acting drunk. Nobody wants a drunk person hauling their personal items up and down stairs. More importantly, nobody wants to haul a drunk person up or down stairs after hauling all of their personal items around!

2. Claim that the medication you're taking makes you sensitive to temperature, while wearing a sweater and carrying an ice pack.

And the number one way to get out of helping someone move... JUST SAY NO! (Hey, it's supposed to work for drugs, right? Moving involves just as much peer pressure!)