Drowning Part A, B, and C

I'll preface this post by pointing out the obvious - I am not dead. However, that is not due to any lack of trying on the part of the ocean.

As you may recall, I spent last weekend out in St. Augustine. We spent Saturday on the beach. There were five of us - Colby, me, and our three gigantically tall friends. Please note, they are gigantically tall, at least relative to the 5'1" and 5'2" lives that Colby and I lead. The five of us decided to go play in the water, which is a reasonable thing to do whilst on a beach.

Unfortunately, the three gigantically tall friends have long legs, and were able to get further out into the ocean. Colby and I tried, but we were somewhat limited by the fact that we're short. As we were attempting to get out to where the other three were, the ocean decided that it no longer wanted to play nicely. Instead, as we were talking to each other, the ocean snuck up from behind and smacked both Colby and me upside the heads. In the mayhem, both of us lost our sunglasses. This part of the incident was Drowning, Part A.

As we regained our footing and tried to figure out why we were suddenly blinded (oh yeah! The ocean ate our sunglasses!), the ocean took another potshot and knocked us over again. I got a rather large mouthful of water, and I think Colby did, too. This was Drowning, Part B.

Before I could even get fully upright, the ocean struck once more! It came from behind, well above our heads. I must not have been close to dying, because my life did not flash before my eyes. In fact, all that was going through my head was, "Where the FUCK is the air??" As it turns out, my lungs don't function well when I inhale water rather than air. Somehow, beneath the waves, Colby and I managed to crash into each other, and we clung together as we finally found the ground again. Have you figured it out? This was Drowning, Part C.

As we coughed and sputtered and swore, we caught sight of our three gigantically tall friends smiling and laughing at us. As one of them would later say, it was like a bad Lifetime movie - "Oh, look. They're screaming, they must be having fun." Needless to say, we bade the ocean goodbye and headed back to the sand.

That night, we bought new sunglasses and named them Jack (mine) and Rose (hers) - "I'll never let go, Jack!"