I am a ninja. I have impressed the world of theatre with my mad ninja skillz. I am one with the darkness. I move across a dark stage like the Force to stop swinging windows. I slip between shadows to retrieve fallen hats. I jury-rig headsets to stop the screeching sounds. With a single glare, I silence noisy actors.
Wait. Maybe I'm not a ninja. I'm Chuck Norris!
Wait. No, I'm not Chuck Norris. I'm a stage manager!
Best part? I've been asked to do it again, so I must be doing something right!