I love my puppy. I hate housebreaking.
I decided to try Colby's suggestion about how to train her - take her out for 3 minutes, if she does nothing, bring her in and crate her for 5 minutes, then repeat. We did this for about an hour after work. I started to wonder if there was a time to stop trying, so during one of the 5-minute crate breaks, I went upstairs to try to find Colby's message to see if there was a time limit that I should follow. It took a while to look (and I never did find it), so the five minutes turned into about fifteen. When I came downstairs, Mia had pooed in her crate. So I let her out so I could disassemble and clean it. While I was cleaning it out, she peed on the carpet.
So we'll try again tomorrow.